I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
