it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
