OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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