This is not my ceiling
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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