i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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