Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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