Me. At least after what I've been through.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
