Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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