This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
