I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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