guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
