btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
