i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
