College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
