I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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