You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
