Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
