I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
