I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
