I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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