Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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