I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
