I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
