piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Porn is love you can see.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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