first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
