Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
