He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
