My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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