I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This house was built for laser tag.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
