Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
