YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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