So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
