are you still at the devil's house?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
