I just cut my nipple shaving
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
