So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
