did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
