Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
