Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This house was built for laser tag.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
