So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
