if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
