Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
