hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
