And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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