Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
