It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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