Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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