Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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