he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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