in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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