So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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