Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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