Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
